I’ve been thinking about loneliness a lot lately.
Not because I am lonely but because our society is.
Pre-covid, we were becoming more and more isolated, only to see the trend accelerate through covid and post covid.
As a youth pastor across the bridge from New York City, I realized that the only thing that our church could do better than the world around us was to create an authentic community. In a world where relationships are transactional, we could be a safe place for our students to be who God created them to be, hormones and all.
As I have been talking to my clients lately, I have noticed that many of my pastors feel lonely and isolated. They feel a need to genuinely connect with someone in a safe place where they can vocalize what they are wrestling through without fear of reprisal.
I love that we get to be the ones to have these conversations with the pastors that we walk alongside, but I recognize that we run the risk of loneliness and isolation ourselves. I’d love to hear how you work to stay in community in the midst of the work that you are doing.
I found this interesting…
Snippets of articles, videos, and other things that have gotten me thinking over the last month. These are not complete summaries but bits and pieces picked up along the way.
The Economist has a fascinating 8 episode podcast series called Scam Inc. that is worth a listen. It takes a deep look at “pig butchering” scams and how they are fleecing highly intelligent people of incredible sums of money. What has been haunting me is how much loneliness plays into the equation.
Online scamming compares in size and scope to the illegal drug industry. Except that in many ways it is worse. One reason is that everyone becomes a potential target simply by going about their lives. Among the victims we identify are a neuroscience PhD and even relatives of FBI investigators whose job is to shut scams down. Operating manuals give people like Rita step-by-step instructions on how to manipulate their targets by preying on their emotions. It is a mistake to think romance is the only hook. Scammers target all human frailties: fear, loneliness, greed, grief and boredom.
The Economist, The vast and sophisticated global enterprise that is Scam IncI stumbled across a story in Christianity Today about the growth of Chinese immigrant churches in Britain and some of the unique challenges that the political situation in China causes within their churches (I’m so glad we don’t have the same issues here). I thought it was fascinating and worth thinking through the lessons we can learn from our friends across the pond:
Many Hong Kong immigrants in Britain also tend to be strongly against the Chinese Communist Party (CCP), exacerbating tensions between themselves and the immigrants from mainland China.
Often, churches never acknowledge these political, social, and communicational divides. Most believers treat politics as a taboo topic to maintain a sense of peace, however superficial it may be, even as ideological tensions simmer below the surface.In a context where ideological differences seem impossible to surmount, it’s challenging to live out Hebrews 12:14: “Make every effort to live in peace with everyone and to be holy; without holiness no one will see the Lord.”
Yinxuan Huang, My Neighbors Aren’t NinevitesI enjoyed this interview with Alton Brown:
Two points really stuck out to me:
The one skill that he would teach any home cook is to read the recipe.
When asked about the one tool every home cook needs to have, he answered, “If you don’t have a good kitchen table, nothing else you do in there matters…”
So basic, yet profound. Makes me wonder… “where am I missing the basics?”
The road ahead…
What do you see happening in the next 12 months that we need to prepare our churches for?
From Jeremy Moore who serves as the Vertical Head, Faith Based Non-profit Banking Group at BMO.
Two things that I am seeing in general, and one industry specific observation:
I think political division is not getting better… lines have been drawn and people are retreating to the edges.
I am also seeing a growing preference for the larger crowd, the small church feels like it may entirely go away in the USA.
An industry specific observation:
If you’re doing construction, borrowing costs are higher and construction costs are continuing to increase … think $400+ psf for ground up. A good banker can help a church navigate the process and give them some good benchmarks for how much they can afford today, but they’ll also need to connect with campaign team/fundraiser or have that locked down in house.
A big part of it these days is just coming to grips with the idea that new construction is going to be very expensive and those costs aren’t coming down, at best the pace of construction inflation may slow. But that doesn’t seem likely in the short run with tariff threats, etc.
Nugget of wisdom…
What is one way that you have learned to stay spiritually healthy while working with churches?
From Brian Thorstad from Helping Churches Thrive:
My wife is old and tough enough now to be able to talk to me about everything I’m doing without it “wiping her out.” When she was younger, and I was a long-term pastor, I had to shield her from a lot.
Also: I walk in the woods, do a lot of music as an underground (basement) singer-songwriter and I love Scripture as much as I ever have.
What a pastor wants…
What do I need from a church consultant that most guys miss?
From Doug Ferguson, pastor of Huntersville Presbyterian Church:
Two things:
The honest truth. If I'm too fat, be kind but tell me the truth.
Listen to what I am saying. This is from experience: I've had a consultant who hadn't listened to what I was saying and didn’t learn about who we were but instead came into the conversation with predetermined answers to questions I wasn’t asking and a one size fits all solution. The same solution they gave every church. I need someone who will listen and understand my context. I understand there are universal principles that apply to all churches, but I want my consultant to see me as me and craft a solution based off of who we are.
Where’s Matt?
Where I’m planning on being in the next 3 months, if we’re in the same place, let’s get together!
March 17-18: Exponential, Orlando, FL
March 19-20: Ascent Curator’s Gathering, Alexandria, VA
April 7-9: Everyday Pastors Gathering, Gary, SD
April 28-30: BGCT Discipleship Leader’s Retreat, Belton, TX
May 5-7: XP Summit, Nashville, TN
May 20-22: Abide Conference, Temecula, CA
Let’s talk!
I’d love to catch up and hear what’s going on in your life and ministry. Let’s find some time to connect.
The Fine Print
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